Your Anxiety is Lying to You: How to Overcome Social Anxiety
As a therapist and life coach, I see a lot of different people struggling with a lot of different things. One of the most common? Social anxiety.
So many of us are so scared of what other people think about us that we don’t allow ourselves to be who we really are. We overthink interactions and conversations to the point where socializing isn’t fun anymore. And you guys … being social SHOULD be fun! It IS fun!
If your anxiety is holding you back from fun wine nights with your close girlfriends or interfering with your day-to-day life by making just going to work hard, keep reading for some tips on how to overcome the lies your anxiety is telling you.
What is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety is defined by the NIH as being “an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others.” It can be triggered by a big event, such as a party or night out, or a small day-to-day activity, such as going to the grocery store or working in an office.
It’s also pretty common. The Mayo Clinic estimates that over 200,000 new cases are diagnosed each year. When you consider the amount of people who don’t reach out for help, that number is probably much higher.
No matter what level of social anxiety you are feeling, you can probably agree with me when I say it’s the worst. It makes things so unnecessarily hard. Everything from going to work to making (and keeping friends!) has an extra layer of work when you suffer from social anxiety.
Signs of Social Anxiety
Social anxiety can manifest in a few different ways. If the idea of being around other people (even people you know!) makes you experience these symptoms, you’re probably suffering from a bit of social anxiety:
Increased heart rate
Blushing or warm cheeks
Increased sweating
Dizziness
Intense worry
Nausea
These symptoms might cause you to:
Cancel plans
Feel a need to find a social crutch such as alcohol or drugs
Worry before, during, or after an interaction
Attempt to blend into the background
Try to perform an inauthentic role in order to control a situation and how you’re perceived
Avoid any social situations, including simple ones like using a public restroom or going shopping
So, how can you overcome this fear? Let’s talk about it.
Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety
One thing is for sure: social anxiety may be common, but it’s totally unnecessary. You don’t need to hide your shine from anyone! You shouldn’t feel bad about being yourself; if someone has a problem with it, that’s on them, not you.
But overcoming what your mind is telling you is easier said than done. I know. So here are some things I suggest when you’re feeling anxious about social situations.
Recognize Your Physical Signs
Once you start to recognize your physical signs and why they’re happening, you can prepare to deal with them. If you are in public and you start to feel your chest tightening or your temperature rising, take a deep breath and recognize that this is your anxiety speaking. Manually slowing your breathing down tells your brain that there isn’t a real threat present.
Get Out of Your Head
When you start having those unsettling feelings, start challenging yourself. If your mind tells you that someone will make fun of you for something you said, ask yourself, “Will they really? Why would they do that?” And then actually answer the question instead of leaving it open ended. For example, if you ask yourself, “Why would they do that?” the answer might be, “To make themselves feel better about their own insecurities.” That answer helps you realize that even if the worst did happen, it wouldn’t actually be about you at all. And people don’t really go around blurting out criticisms of strangers! Rationally, you know that it probably won’t happen, but when you’re feeling irrational, you need to take a minute to convince yourself of the truth. Give yourself that minute to pause instead of letting the fears and feelings carry you away.
This also applies to situations at work. If you have to give a presentation and you’re worried about someone questioning your talking points with the intent of embarrassing you, ask yourself, “When has this actually happened in the past? If it does happen, who knows more about this topic than I do?” Chances are, you were asked to do this for a reason: you’re the most qualified person to do so.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
The fear of judgment and rejection is enough to take anyone down, so be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your feelings, but don’t live with them. Understand that you have some work to do in order to break those chains of self-doubt and establish a routine to help you break the cycle.
Kick That Anxiety for Good
When it comes to battling your social anxiety, be patient with yourself. Just the fact that you’re recognizing the toll it's taking on your life is a big step toward overcoming it.
For more information on overcoming social anxiety, calming social stress, and learning to live the life you’re meant to live, check out this recent article I wrote for CNBC about how to stop caring so much about other people’s opinions.
No matter where you are in your social anxiety journey, I want you to know that I’m proud of you for taking these steps to overcome it. There are SO many awesome things to experience in this life and you don’t deserve to let your anxiety win. Keep going! I’m cheering you on!
Ready to work?
Be the first to know!
Subscribe to our newsletter to get workplace wellness tips to your inbox, learn about exciting new programs, and receive subscriber-only discounts!